


Voltron: Legendary Dorks

by bone_boi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 11:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19083778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bone_boi/pseuds/bone_boi
Summary: text fic for voltronso many ships dude like im gonna have so many in this bitch





	Voltron: Legendary Dorks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amit my fuckin bb](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Amit+my+fuckin+bb).
  * Inspired by [Voretron Leg'n'dairy Defendoor, but better](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16429778) by [hootnooot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hootnooot/pseuds/hootnooot). 



> i swear to fucKinG GoD CHrIs iLL tuRn thiS FUCkiNG cAr aROunD  
> S h U T T H E F U C K  
> U U P

**_Pidge Gunderson added Shiro, Hunk, Lance, Keith, and Allura to chat_ **

**Pidge:** Boy Howdy

**Keith:** why do you do this

**Pidge:** i gotta

**Lance:** why is this a thing

**Pidge:** got bored

**Lance:** cool now you can torment us here too

**Pidge:** >:)

**_Pidge changed her name to God_ **

**God:** im god now motherfuckers

**God:** kneel peasants

**_Lance changed his name to God Fucker_ **

**God Fucker:** my body is ready

**Hunk:** guys pls

**Keith:** stfu im at work

**God Fucker:** silence ur phone idiot

**God:** big boy got his big boy job at starbux

**Keith:** youre all dead to me

**God Fucker:** bold of you to assume im not dead to me

**Hunk:** lance no

**God Fucker:** lance yes

**Shiro:** why am i here im an actual adult

**God:** hey im 17

**Shiro:** a child

**God Fucker:** we aren’t kids daddy

**Shiro:** disrespect me like that again and you wont be waking up tomorrow

**God:** daddy

**God Fucker:** d a d d y

**Keith:** Daddy

**Hunk:** guys,,,, pls,,,, no

**Shiro:** why do i try

**_God changed Shiro’s name to Daddy_ **

**Daddy:** how dare you

**God:** look at the name bitch

**God:** im god

**Keith:** lance did you order 10 shots of expresso in a latte

**God Fucker:** idk did i

**Hunk:** dONT GIVE IT TO HIM

**Hunk:** HELL DIE

**God Fucker:** thats the point hunk

**God:** no

**Keith:** i put it as a prank call fuck u lance

**Allura:** this is a nightmare

**Allura:** you haven’t even changed the name yet jfc

**_God Fucker changed the chat name to Fuck This Pussy Boi_ **

**God Fucker:** happy?

**Allura:** yeth

**Hunk:** god this is awful

**God:** I know, my son. But I love you.

**God Fucker:** stfu ur not jebus

**God:** youre right im god

**_God Fucker changed his name to Long Boi Supreme_ **

**Long Boi Supreme:** got tired of seeing god fucker

**God:** im still god nothing can stop me

**Hunk:** should i change mine?

**Long Boi Supreme:** dont feel pressured bro

**Hunk:** :)

**_Keith changed his name to Yeemo Trash_ **

**Yeemo Trash:** tis I

**Yeemo Trash:** keith

**Hunk:** oh?

**God:** lance

**Yeemo Trash:** bet

**Yeemo Trash:** dhasFEH23da !^*@

**Yeemo Trash:** lance took my phone

**Long Boi Supreme:** way to ruin the illusion

**God:** why were u at starbux

**Long Boi Supreme:** cof fee

**_Long Boi Supreme sent 1 image_ **

**_Yeemo Trash changed his name to Queef_ **

**Long Boi Supreme:** you do know thats a pussy fart right

**Queef:** yes

**God:** rnt u gay

**God:** like

**God:** suckin-dick-for-foreign-cars gay

**Queef:** im not mia khaliffa

**Queef:** but yes

**Daddy:** how do i change my name

**Daddy:** nvm found it

**_Daddy changed his name to Daddy Kinkminster_ **

**Daddy Kinkminster:** also adding adam

**_Daddy Kinkminster added Adam to the chat_ **

**Adam:** sup sluts

**God:** *gasp* a d a m

**Hunk:** oh god here we go

**Daddy Kinkminster:** I DID NOT APPROVE OF THIS NAME

**Daddy Kinkminster:** ADAMN YOU HAD MY HONE FOR THIRTY SECONDS

**Adam:** :) luv u bb

**_Daddy Kinkminster changed his name to Shito_ **

**Shito:** happy now you heathens

**God:** yes

**Long Boi Supreme:** ye ye

**Adam:** yeah

**Queef:** this chat is a fucking nightmare

**God:** agree

**God:** whyd u think i made it

**God:** i wanted to see sheer chaos at its fucking f i n e s t

**Long Boi Supreme:** group chats are from hell

**God:** and im satan

**Hunk:** no ur god

**Hunk:** u cant be both

**_God changed her name to Satan_ **

**Satan:** happy

**Long Boi Supreme:** yep

**_Hunk sent a screenshot_ **

**Hunk:** ‘iM sTiLl gOd aNd nOtHiNg cAn sToP Me’

**Satan:** we all say things we dont mean

**Adam:** why did i come here yall are fetuses

**Satan:** IM 17 SORRY FFS ITS NOT MY FAULT IM LIKE 4’11

**Long Boi Supreme:** LMAO ur 4’11?

**Satan:** i wont hesitate to stab you in the back of the throat and feed you to the hounds of hell

**Long Boi Supreme:** …

**Long Boi Supreme:** hows the weather down there

**Satan:** you better be fucking running

**Hunk:** lance where do you want ur memorial

**Hunk:** there wont be a body to bury

**Queef:** lance is dead

**Queef:** wish i could’ve done it myself

**Long Boi Supreme:** on veredaro beach pls

**Long Boi Supreme:** and fuck u keith i could step on you and pidge at the same time

**Satan:** doesnt sound like ur running

**Satan:** doesnt look like ur runnin either

**_Satan sent 1 image_ **

**Long Boi Supreme:** SHIT HOWD YOU

**Satan:** hes running now

**Long Boi Supreme:** do yoU HAVE A KNIFE

**Satan:** i may or maynt

**Hunk:** piDGE DONT KILL HIM THATS A FEDERAL CRIME

**Shito:** omw to save lances ass

**Long Boi Supreme:** thanks im hidin rn shell never find me

**Long Boi Supreme:** fuck nvm gTG

**Satan:** man so close I almost had him

**Hunk:** PIDGE DITCH THE KNIFE YOU CANT KILL HIM ITS ILLEGAL PLEASE

**Satan:** pidge.exe has stopped working

**Satan:** murder.exe has taken primary controls

**Queef:** omw to kick pidges ass

**Queef:** im the only one allowed to kill lance

**Adam:** oh some jealousy

**Long Boi Supreme:** jealousy thy name is keith

**Long Boi Supreme:** OH NO DUFDIOA  FHA393 JAFDAI3RQR 3W9

**Hunk:** lance?

**Shito:** omfg pidge just fucking murked him

**Shito:** she didnt have a knife dw

**Shito:** but she might’ve broken lances nose

**Hunk:** oh man rip

**Hunk:** guys? U there?

**Hunk:** oh man

**_Long Boi Supreme sent 3 images_ **

**Long Boi Supreme:** she broke my nose

**Hunk:** omg how bad is it

**Long Boi Supreme:** idk dad is taking us to hospital and pidge is in back

**Satan:** I apologized many times

**Satan:** god I feel awful im so sry

**Allura:** i get froyo and this is what happens? youre all children

**Adam:** wait lance ur nose is broken

**Adam:** who tf 

**Long Boi Supreme:** pidge. it was an accident im not too worried about it some kid broke it in 3rd grade and i was fine

**Adam:** but ur mom

**Queef:** holy shit u broke ur nose

**Long Boi Supreme:** ye idk how bad it is yet but like theres a lot of blood  

**Satan:** im so sorry i took it too far

**Queef:** fuck yeah id say you did jfc

**Queef:** you broke his damn nose

**Long Boi Supreme:** it was an accident keith chill tf out

**Queef:** she broke. ur nose.

**Hunk:** keith why r u so hung up on this?

**Queef:** yall are wack she literally broke his nose and ur justifying that

**_Long Boi Supreme removed Queef from Fuck This Pussy Boi_ **

**Long Boi Supreme:** it had to be done

**Satan:** lane its fine hes right im out of my lance on this one

**Satan:** lance*

**Satan:** lane*

**Allura:** thats v mature of u pidge

**Allura:** me so proud T^T

**Satan:** thanks but

**Satan:** whom tf talks like that

**Hunk:** me so insulted

**_Satan has left Fuck This Pussy Boi_ **

**_Long Boi Supreme added Pidge and Keith_ **

**Long Boi Supreme:** keith, sorry, pidge, don’t leave pls

**_Pidge changed her name to I Fucked Up_ **

**Keith:** yeah ya did

**Long Boi Supreme:** leave her alone keith things went too far

**Long Boi Supreme:** as if you haven’t taken things too far by accident before

**Adam:** like the Whipped Cream Battle of ‘09

**Keith:** you prOMISED NEVER TO SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN

**Hunk:** whered you even come from

**Adam:** ive been ghosting

**Long Boi Supreme:** ah we’re at the hospital ttyl

**Hunk:** good luck bud!

**Keith:** pidhe went quiet

**Keith:** pidge*

**Allura:** well FUCK i wonder why

**Allura:** its not like someone was shitting on her after she apologized and already felt awful about it

**Keith:** …

**_Keith left Fuck This Pussy Boi_ **

**Allura:** alright then

**Author's Note:**

> ah poor lance  
> poor pidge too she was just jokin around


End file.
